Good Times, Bad Memories, True Friends

It's the only thing that would make me happy….

…besides lots of women, whitewater rafting, mountain jumping, swinging across canyons on ropes……

I was standing in the doorway of Bruce's hotel room on our final night in Dresden when these words were uttered. To put this in some context, I was telling Bruce that the he needs to learn to enjoy his life. This seems to be my main message to everyone these days.

At the school where I teach, I joke that I have become the youth pastor. For some reason kids come to me under the guise of getting help on their homework only to end up spilling their guts to me about the current problems that are rampaging their fragile young minds. My first question is simple, "How old are you?"

When the answer is 17, I cut them off and that's when I say, "You need to forget every last bit of what you are telling me and learn to enjoy yourself because if you don't before you know it you will be in your late 30's looking back on a string of failed and ludicrous relationships, grass smoking, mental masturbation, self loathing, and a whole lot of nothing to show for it." 

"ENJOY YOUR FUCKING LIFE"

"Trust me, things are gonna be a lot different, a lot sooner than you think," I wish that somebody would have told me this when I was that age.  

Now I'm sitting here telling a variation on this to a legendary 65 year old animator. He says that all he wants to do is make films……..and have lots of women…whitewater….

I have the taste of bittersweet forever in my mouth from my friendship with this man. Earlier tonight, we were at the award ceremony for the film festival and I had my German to English translation headphones on just waiting for him to jump ship. We even made sure he had an aisle seat. Our new friend Andre, who bless his heart has been concerned and more than accommodating throughout this trip, couldn't stand it and went out after him within five minutes. I wasn't feeling well so I decided to follow, but I knew before hand that Bruce would have some choice words about the award ceremony.

"It's a fucking award ceremony, what the hell did you expect," I said as we walked up the street. Bruce continued to take a few swings and then I said, "Look Bruce, these folks are really nice and this is the most important thing in the world to them, so just be nice."

"I was being nice, I was trying to be humorous," he said

"They don't understand your sarcasm Bruce. Look, I am not disagreeing with you, but you gotta be nice, you just have to," by this time we had reached the hotel elevator.

"I don't have it in me………..well actually …..I do," he said as we reached our floor.

"On my grandparents golden anniversary, their 50th, the two older boys got to stay back because of school, but me and Steve went to the church with our little suits on. My dad grabbed me and told me to tell grandma that she looks good, I started to argue and he yelled at me to just do it. So I did it." Bruce went on as we went into my room. 

"She came down the staircase and I said, 'You look nice Grandma', and she loved it."  She said, " 'Why thank you Bruce' , and lit up with this huge smile." 

I was facing the other way and Bruce was behind me. I was too tired to look at him, "Sometimes Bruce, you gotta tell grandma that she looks fuckin' nice."

He sat on the bed and said, "God she was a fuckin' crazy bitch."

That story reminds me of the greatest lesson I learned in junior high.

We had a gym and spanish teacher who was an alcoholic prick but thought that his devotion to Jesus exonerated him for being a fat deplorable human being. He was cruel to those who were weak and would humiliate kids in front of the class for no good reason.

There was some tomfoolery that happened in the boys changing room on friday afternoon that he caught right as he came in the door and I was somehow how the focal point of.

We had a few words but I took off and it was left unresolved. 

I had his (absolutely fucking worthless) spanish class first thing monday morning and I knew that when he had his chance to embarrass me in front of the class there would be hell to pay.

It just so turned out that it was the weekend of my grandma's huge birthday party with a mariachi band in the city. 

It was one for the ages even by Guadamuz standards. Lots of booze, lots of madness, lots of dancing latinos...

......lots of stressing the fuck out about how that fat bastard was gonna belittle me monday morning. 

Monday morning, my mom was driving me to school and told me to make sure and tell (the fat hypocritical bastard who shall not be named) about Abuela's party.

Then it hit me over the head.

When I got to "spanish" class, as soon as he came to the classroom I rushed to him grinning ear to ear and told him about my Abuelita's party and the Mariachi band and how cool it was . In my delivery I could not have been more excited. 

I remember his miserable fat face looking down at me and saying.....

How can you thrash a kid who is stoked on his grandma and went out of his way to tell you about her party and how "spanish" it was. He was completely disarmed. 

The bite from the bottle the night before, the unexplained rage that sat on his mind like a jungle cat ready to pounce, the misery that he woke up with each day and had to spread, the lie that is his life and religion, all lifted for a moment. He was actually happy and somewhat bubbly during the entire class period after that. He was, temporarily, a fucking human being. That was by far the best thing I learned at this school. Positivity can go a hell of a long way....

....one of best things you can give is a compliment....

.....and being kind to somebody who doesn't deserve it, but may desperately need it, is a powerful thing that anyone can do.

We really need to get that class action lawsuit going against that school. Hopefully I will be able to keep from busting out laughing when Eyad takes the stand.

Bruce got up and walked to the door, "Ok, I'm going back to the party."

"Be nice Bruce," I said as he left.  

A while later I went over and joined him. For a part of the world that may have a reputation for being stark and cold, People could not have been more warm.

And one last thing...

 I will never in this life have another friend like Bruce Bickford. 

Good by Dresden.